sat at home not doing very much

i went for a run this morning but thats about it, very little to report. i am bored senseless but i know that i have to be like this for the long term good because if i don't rest properly then i wont recover. the way things are though it could be a long process before i'm competing in any sport again. will this mean that i learn to appreciate more when i beat my pb's? probably not because a) my pbs are shite and b)i always want to do better and resting on my laurels is just not in my make up. i am finding it hard to say that i am definitely changing sports-running is almost part of my genetic make up, but i will need to make up my mind one way or the other sooner or later because running and rowing are two sports that are incompatible because the body shapes of the two different types of athletes are vastly different

boxing day blues

went down to watch the races at clevedon today and it didnt' do any thing to make me feel better and it really did nothing for me watching when i would have loved to be competing, but it will only serve to motivate me to get back to full fitness in the long run no matter what sport i choose to pursue when i'm fit and healthy again. for the information of those of you that are interested, kevin heywood won the mens race while the womens race was won by this years world junior 1500 meter bronze medalist emma pallant. i saw mike after the race and he was adamant that i should have a test for glandular fever as he said that the symptoms that i'm describing sound exactly like that. i'm not convinced but i'll do it any way just to rule it out whn the new year comes along. i'm not sure what they do to treat glandular fever but the worrying thing is that a) some of the symptoms are definitely very similar to what i'm carrying eg, pushing myself slightly too hard and being absolutely exhausted or he next couple of days and b) its a long long road back to full fitness from it and i don't know a single person of the many runners i know that has had it and ever been the same again. that is a sobering thought indeed. in fact i'm getting depressed just sat here thinking about it. in fact the more and more i think about it the more and more tempted i am to turn my back on the competitive element of the sport if things don't start taking a turn for the better, because the more and more i think about it he more i think i can get more out of my self doing other sports. only i will have to make a clean break and not mix sports, no matter how painful i find it because i know that if i do that i will end up coming back, which is probably the wrong decision, because when you look at the times i ran when i was at my fittest, (note i didn't say "running well") the unavoidable truth is that i have 100% failed as a runner

merry christmas!

hope you got all you desired...i certainly did and more. did a few easy miles yesterday and that is pretty much the order of the day for the while. what ver it was that got me was pretty brutal as i am still recovering and there is no prospect of any competitive sport for the good while yet. considering my future again, could make a go of it as a rower this summer which would require me to be doing some winter training starting in acouple of weeks when whatever i've had is cleared up. as it is i am refusing to make any plans as a runner for the immediate future. the way i see it is that i have nothing ot lose, but running is a safe option for me. i know i'm a reasonable standard club runner, but that is all i will ever be. i feel as though i have more potential as a rower, or sculler as i'm almost perfectly built for it whereas i'm probably too big to go much further as a runner, so my power to weight ratio is too low. will watch the races at clevedon tomorrow where i will see mike and talk about it with him and one thing i know is that he will be supportive whatever decision i come to

waiting around getting very bored

i'm currently waiting for the results of the blood test and getting very bored. if i was injured i might be saying that i can't wait to start running again, but i'm having good days and bad days and on the bad days i really am struggling to get my self out the door. the good days aren't too bad. some times the day after a 4 or 5 mile easy run although cardiovascularly there are no problems my legs feel like they would after a heavy session, so some thing is not right. the scary thing is that i have been told that if i am anemic it is some thing that i will have to keep an eye on for the rest of my life. mind you though if steve redgrave can win an olympic gold medal with diabetes then my health problem must be manageable. a lot of the top athletes especially females have had similar problems like benita johnson the world cross country champion, but you do have to be careful managing it. i can't be bothered to run tonight i might just go for a swim instead. half of me is saying though that if i am going to give up running and concentrate on other sports then when i've recovered would be the best time to do it.

still shite

after the session i had last night at sneyd park on the hills i have officially given up hope of achieving any thing this year for the winter. i will just train and race and not expect any thing. went to the doctors this morning, nothing exciting to report there except gave 4 samples of blood and that was it. will get the results in a week or so. probably the worst time of year for it to happen to me with the christmas post etc, but thats just some thing that i'll have to deal with. i completed the session last night and whilst it was an improvement on the last time i ran at sneyd about a month ago the reps were still between 10 and 20 seconds down on my best times there. racing tomorrow at burnham-on-sea in a new monthly 5k that the local club have organised. i'm dreading what my time will be but i guess i will have to face the music at some point and just use that as some thing to build on rather than thinking about pb's, much as it pains me to say it. mind you though after the last race at weston i seriously considered chucking all my running gear in the sea and after the cross country on the downs i considered burning it. i am seriously worried that one day after a bad race my temper might get the better of me and it might end up costing me. the more and more i think about it the more i think other sports are the way forward.