boxing day blues

went down to watch the races at clevedon today and it didnt' do any thing to make me feel better and it really did nothing for me watching when i would have loved to be competing, but it will only serve to motivate me to get back to full fitness in the long run no matter what sport i choose to pursue when i'm fit and healthy again. for the information of those of you that are interested, kevin heywood won the mens race while the womens race was won by this years world junior 1500 meter bronze medalist emma pallant. i saw mike after the race and he was adamant that i should have a test for glandular fever as he said that the symptoms that i'm describing sound exactly like that. i'm not convinced but i'll do it any way just to rule it out whn the new year comes along. i'm not sure what they do to treat glandular fever but the worrying thing is that a) some of the symptoms are definitely very similar to what i'm carrying eg, pushing myself slightly too hard and being absolutely exhausted or he next couple of days and b) its a long long road back to full fitness from it and i don't know a single person of the many runners i know that has had it and ever been the same again. that is a sobering thought indeed. in fact i'm getting depressed just sat here thinking about it. in fact the more and more i think about it the more and more tempted i am to turn my back on the competitive element of the sport if things don't start taking a turn for the better, because the more and more i think about it he more i think i can get more out of my self doing other sports. only i will have to make a clean break and not mix sports, no matter how painful i find it because i know that if i do that i will end up coming back, which is probably the wrong decision, because when you look at the times i ran when i was at my fittest, (note i didn't say "running well") the unavoidable truth is that i have 100% failed as a runner